Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
