How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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