My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
