Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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