operation harelip BJ is a go
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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