Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she looked like the before picture.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
