I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
