I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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