hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
