you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
