my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
