Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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