But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
