I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
