I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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