So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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