Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
