I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
