Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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