I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
