She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
