My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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