I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Duck Duck Cougar?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
