theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
