i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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