i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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