her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
