My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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