The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize