just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
