You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
