i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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