we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
