Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you win again, gameday.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
