and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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