i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
