About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
