i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
