remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
