me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
