So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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