I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
