By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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