brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
