Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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