i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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