my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
