I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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