i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
