At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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