I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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