Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me I should be a condom model.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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