I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
