I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
