is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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