I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
