party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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