yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
