i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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