she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
