Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
