Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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