Where did you get a picture of my penis
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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