i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
