the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
